Adventures in Dumpster Diving

Yoo-haloo, all!

Today was such a fun, interesting day! Woke up at 5:45, helped make breakfast, watered the plants, and then headed into Walsenburg to help the community matriarch, Micki, do a food bank run. Once a week, she goes to the Safeway in town to collect free food that they would otherwise be disposing of (like break, tortillas, eggs, butter, etc.). Then, she brings it all back and distributes it among the needing families in Gardner (the majority of the town). Let me tell you about this woman: she is one of the most amazing, caring, patient, compassionate people I've ever met. And she's got a mouth like a sailor, haha. Micki has done everything: ski patrol, fire woman at the volunteer station in Gardner, EMT, teacher, and foster mother. She has foster cared for so many kids, I can't even remember the number. It's something ridiculous though. She biologically had around 6 kids (all grown now with their own kids) and has adopted a number more. She has the biggest heart ever. It's beautiful... and inspiring.

The most tragic thing happened two weeks ago. One of her adopted sons died in a car wreck on the back roads while sneaking out at 11 pm to go see his girlfriend. Supposedly, it was his his last time he was going to see her, for some reason or another. He flipped his car and flew out of one of the windows and was found about three hours later curled up in an almost fetal position on the side of the road. His car, having fully rolled back upright, was facing a normal direction (north), as if he was just parked. Nobody stopped to see if anything was wrong. Upon hearing this, I immediately broke into tears for Micki. Such a terrible, horrible thing to happen a) to such a young person, and b) to such a wonderful, loving woman. Being the strong woman that she is, Micki is holding up OK. She gets teary. I was over at the house the other day and two of the other foster/adopted kids were arguing over Eric's (the young boy) xbox. The devastation was obvious in the energy and feel of that home. It was so sad. Poor, poor, Micki.

So, to help Micki out in her time of need, Ahni and I met her in Walsenburg this morning to help her load the truck bed with all the food. We went to town early (we were supposed to meet her at Safeway between 10 and 10:30) so we could do some of the shopping we needed to get done. Well, we finished those errands with about 30 minutes to kill so we went to this AWESOME flea market looking shop. It's like a dollar store, but with SO much more. Basically, it has everything you could ever want but never need. And it's so ridiculously cheap. It beats a dollar store! Well, Ahni and I were having so much fun in there... we totally got lost in the time warp, hahaha. We ended up crossing the street to Safeway at 10:30, and Micki was already packed up and getting ready to go. We helped her move around a few heavy boxes, then, Ahni decided to check out the dumpsters.

Let's just say we hit the motherload. This one dumpster was FULL of food that wasn't even bad! Apparently, in order to avoid law suits, grocery stores throw out anything that might be about to expire. There was so much edible, good food in there! There are starving people all over the world, including our very own, wonderful nation, and here we are, THROWING out perfectly good food. Anyways, Ahni hopped on in there. It was the funniest thing I've ever seen. First, she leaned into it, then realized she couldn't reach anything, so she pushed herself in to where she was basically upside-down and her feet were sticking straight out of the bin into the air. Even now as I describe this, I'm laughing. It was so funny. When that didn't work, she just climbed in and I pinpointed stuff from the outside and held the box while she filled it with food. We got a pineapple, some oranges, a ton of blueberries and blackberries, tomatoes, potatoes, a cucumber, and like seven apples. Unfortunately, Micki was still outside talking to the manager as we walked back to our cars with two full boxes of food. Apparently, dumpster diving is illegal and if a cop catches you, you can be fined. As the manager was yelling after us, Ahni kept walking, but I turned around. The manager asked where we were going, and we were like "to throw this all away over here..." (my car was behind another set of dumpsters, mostly hidden from her and Micki's view) As we continued to walk, the manager came up to the car and was like, "you can put that right back in the dumpster." Ahni, being so quick, already got her box (the fuller of the two) into the car. I... had not. Thus, one of our boxes of treasures had to be thrown back away. Such a waste. We could have eaten for days off what was in that box. But, Safeway can just SUCK IT, because we still got away with the full box!!! We ate the potatoes tonight and they were yum, yum good. I'm still getting used to this whole dumpster thing, but it makes total sense and great stories of adventures in dumpster diving!

So, with our heads held high, we departed Walsenburg... but not before stopping at Subway for an early lunch. Mmmm... meat. When we got back to the farm, we finished filling in the raised beds with more manure and mixed in perlite (the little white balls you see in potting soil) to help hold moisture. Then, we finished the western wall and I painted the wood section of it (green, of course). I've got this whole mural planned out for the door... it's going to be awesome. I'm really stoked. We moved all the babies (and the mamas) in today, and they really seem to like their new home. Everything's set up now! It's so exciting!

As you can tell, I'm in much better spirits today. Haven't really had any drooping points, which is nice. Hopefully, my moods will continue to remain constant. I hate days like yesterday. But, the power is in positive thinking, so I'll keep that up (hah!) and we'll see how that goes.

That's all I got for now... Tomorrow we're going to hike to some caves up on Greenhorn, then we have some orders to fill. Busy, busy, busy! The caves should be really cool -- they're apparently where the Comanches held their last stand against the Spanish conquistadors. I'll know more tomorrow and will have pictures to share. Thanks for reading, people! Peace, Love, and Mother Earth!!!!!

The New Regime

Hello all!

We started our new regime today of waking up early and doing all of our work before lunch and then having the afternoon off. The alarm sounded at 5:45 am... and I was pissed. I haven't woken up this early on a daily basis since Safe Harbor in California!!!! So now the day goes a little something like this: 5:45 - wake up; 6-7 do daily chores (I water plants and take care of the babies), and be outside working from 7 until 1 pm when we break for lunch. Although it's a bitch to wake up with the sun, it is nice to be getting all the work done in the early day, before it gets too hot. Today we basically finished our greenhouse. We sifted a ton of manure and dirt and mixed it together for the raised beds, filled them (mostly -- we need more poo), got the majority of the babies inside, set up a watering system and put up part of the far west wall (we hadn't constructed it so we could more easily work on the beds and move the wheelbarrow in and out). It was a long day but it was really cool to see all the people doing all the different tasks. Altogether, we got it done fairly quickly, and all that Bella and I had envisioned going into this greenhouse is finally tangible and there. It's pretty awesome.

It was also pretty awesome getting to work today. Sitting inside all day yesterday sucked, so I finally gave in and called my doctor. She gave me a pill and "viola!" I was good as new today. It was a beautiful, cloudless day and we worked hard. After finishing lunch, we all (all 5 and a big dog) piled into my car and went to the Falls up on Greenhorn. On the way, we picked up Bill and Mike from Atzlan -- which filled my little jeep to 7 people and a dog. It was quite packed and smelly in my car, haha. But we got there!! (after everyone had to get out just short of the falls so I could get over this hill that I was spinning out on... yay no all-wheel drive) The Falls were AWESOME. So beautiful, so amazing. Unlike anything I've seen before. It's just one of those rivers that you see in the mountains and you're like "aah... I love this place." We layed out on the rocks and drank beer and swam (it was freakin' freezing) for like 2 and a half hours. We bouldered on the rocks and explored up and down the little canyon. It was such an amazing way to spend the afternoon after such a hard morning's work. All was well until the end, however, when I, having become a super light weight and can get tipsy off two beers), spilled my beer and the bottle went rolling and crashed into a million pieces... right next to my foot. Don't worry though... only one big chunk got me, haha. Stung like a mother, I'll tell you what, but I got the glass out and soaked my foot in the cold river. It felt niiiiiice.... now it just stings.

So that was my day today. I am pooped. Other things have been going alright I guess... It's day 5 of zero Lexapro... and I'm beginning to feel it. I started crying this morning when Ben teased me about only fixing the electricity because I wanted to charge my computer. (Yes, I fixed the charge controller) I was like "umm... I know I have these faults and I know I can be selfish, but really, right now is not the time to fuck with me. Any other time I can take ball-busting and send it right back. But right now, I'm an emotional basket case." During all this, I started crying. I felt (feel) like such a little baby. When I went into this whole weaning off my psychiatric meds thing, I never thought about how hard it would actually be. I mean, seriously, it's been 9 years straight that I've been medicated. WHO AM I? REALLY?

I think I'm beginning to find out... and I'm beginning to think I don't totally like it. Everyone here (minus Chase, duh) is so patient and compassionate and live in good intention and I... don't. I might have left all material and superficial items in Texas, and dropped the comfortable American lifestyle of convenience... but I'm still programmed that way. Change is hard. And change takes a long time. I know I can be a better person, I'm just so disappointed in myself that I'm not already that person. A lot of this is also probably the lack of Lexapro talking... damn you pharmaceutical companies!! I swear, in a week or two, I'll plateau and be just fine. But these first weeks of withdrawing from a medication are a bitch!

Did you notice that shift there? Haha... I was all mopey and tearful until about the third sentence of that last paragraph, when my sister called and, as always, made everything better. I love you, siiiiiyster!

Nights are the hardest... I may be pooped but my mind is still going! It's that damn tape recorder going over and over and over in my head. Time to turn that sucker off the natural way... :-)

Thanks for reading all and I'll be back with more in the next couple of days!

Oops... I did it again

Hello all! Yes, I know it's be a long time since I've posted anything, so super sorry! I wasn't getting too good of feedback on this thing, and apparently I was offending many a people so I just decided to drop it. When I was home a couple weeks ago though, I did get some complaints about not posting, so here I am to please those few who actually care. ;-)

To catch up, I went home for two weeks... two weeks to long, haha. It was a loooooong time to be back in civilization and society, but seriously, I had two of the best weekends in a long time -- one with my famiy, and one with my oldest friends. Can't beat that! There were obstacles in the path (aka the staph and Teenie's surgery) but overall, it was a great trip. It opened my eyes to how much everyone at home means to me yet how much more I belong out here. Love from a distance, that's what they (the old hippies) say here. So, I'll let you all know that you are in my prayers and blessings in inipi (sweat lodge) on Sundays and I miss and love you all!! Though I am far away, my love for you is not weakened!

You'll have to excuse my emotional state right now... day three on ZERO Lexapro. Still taking the Clonipin (just in case), but I hope to discontinue that as soon as I plateau from no Lexapro. Gotta even out!! I think I'm gonna be ok; remember how hard just going down to half my prescription was???? I thought about stopping the whole weaning off thing, but when I called my psychiatrist to consult with her, she basically made fun of me and my desire to find natural remedies rather than man-made chemicals. Well, biatch, I will turn to my crystals and my herbs and my spirituality and show you WHAT! Thanks for the motivation to stop using you and your pills! ;-)

Been back on the farm for about a week and a half now. Bella went back to New York to do massages (she has to go to the city every once and a while to "balance out" hahahaha...). It's funny because when she gets back from one of her trips, she bitches about how toxic and horrible it is in the city. I do miss her though... quite a bit. So now it's just Ahni (Bella's daughter, awesome chica), me, Nico (the Columbian-American who grew up in Cairo... cool dude), Ben (South Carolinian, son of a preacher man, with maaaaad dreads... also, super cool dude), and then... there's Chase. Chase hails from some bumfuck town in Kansas. He is a a big guy, eats for like four, doesn't help on projects, and sits around all day. L.A.Z.Y. Brings nothing to the table. He smokes a lot of cigarettes too, so when he DOES OCCASIONALLY do some kind of labor, he breathes really hard with his mouth wide open. I mean, shit, I thought I was bad! PHEW, sorry for all that negativity and judgement, but it's been driving me (and everyone else here) insane!! Not only does he eat all the food but he eats all the energy as well! Computers take up a lot of juice and he is on his ALL THE TIME... with it plugged in!! He doesn't seem to grasp the SOLAR ENERGY OFF GRID concept. On a positive note, we've all discussed it and Ahni's going to ask him to leave. From now on, there's a two week trial period for WWOOFers.

So, it's been an interesting week and three days back. I've been to two inipis and learning a lot about the native spiritual traditions. I'm actually hanging out a lot at Atzlan. It's up more on the mountain and I feel much more at peace there. Plus, the community is so great. Thomas and Willow run the Native Cultural Center (I say "run" but you can't really call it that... they live there and Thomas is like the head priest, elder, whatever... he's in charge) I love them so much. There are other people at Atzlan too... Bill, Denny, Mike, and John. Bill and Denny are just two white dudes who adhere to the Native traditions. Denny speaks fluent LaCota and Bill is just learning (he's been practicing for like two years). They are super great guys. John is Denny's blind friend, and he's really sweet. You sometimes have to help him get around, but he's so grateful and expresses it all the time, especially in inipi. Mike is a 19 year old WWOOFER who was supposed to be here at Bella's but she was out of town and he ended up on Atzlan. He's a really cool kid. I wish I saw the world the way he does when I was his age. Immature in a lot of ways... but very wise beyond his years. Gotta give him props for that!

On the farm, we've basically just been working on finishing the greenhouse. While I was gone, they basically planted ALL of the garden... I missed out on a lot. But now that everything's in the ground and getting watered regularly, etc, we can start working on these bigger projects. I persuaded Bella to grow a greenhouse for our "green babies" and by the time I got back, most of the frame was up. We got Bill down here (he's a construction worker kinda guy) and he helped us frame in the two walls left and put in a door and a window. Right now, we're working on mixing the soil for the raised beds. It's a lot of work! We had to dig out a foot deep, 3'x24' trench and then sided it with metal. Lots and lots of digging. Then, we gathered rocks from around the property (there are plenty) and put them at the bottom of the bed. Then we layed down broken glass. These two act as strainers kind of... they allow the water continue to flow and not get stuck in the beds. Under the rocks and glass, we put down chicken wire to keep the gophers from coming up. NOW, we're mixing the soil we dug out originally and mixing that with horse manure and sand. Then, we have sifted manure, mushroom compost, worm castings, and other ingredients to get our lush top soil. Our baby girls are going to be very, very happy! :-)

The greenhouse has taken up a lot of time recently... we really want to get it done so we can put up the tipi and then have time for REALLY big projects and fun stuff, like camping and hiking. Plus, the babies are ready to be in the ground. They're basically screaming for it! Today, I had to come inside... turns out that I have a weakened immune system right now while I'm detoxing and getting used to organic and natural food and I came back with a MUCH better infection than staph... but for your sake, I won't go into it. Let's just say its a women's problem and leave it there. I started taking a daily multivitamin to help boost my immune system, so hopefully it will work. I'm also eating a ton of garlic and drinking colloidal silver in my water everyday. These are all infection fighting natural remedies, and seem to be working pretty well. Right now though, I just need a cream. Cortisone would be GREAT. Good thing the nearest grocery store or pharmacy is 30 minutes away.

Anywhooooo... I went to Walsenburg (the nearest town -- 25 miles away) for the first time the other day to watch Thomas and the rest of the Atzlan gang do a drum circle for a fair they were having. I have some pictures and a video... I'll try to get them up asap so ya'll can catch a little glimpse of the amazing cultures and traditions that have been so heavily stomped on by the United States government. As their t-shirts say, "think the US government is fair? Ask an Apache." There's so much to be learned here... not just from Thomas and everyone at Atzlan, but from all the hippies on the communes and even the local drunks in Gardner. Life, and the people that come in and out if it, never ceases to amaze me. Now I'm gonna end this post, but I'm gonna leave you with a few words of wisdom from Chris McClandless, "Into the Wild" (the book I'm currently reading):

"You are wrong if you think Joy emanates only or principally from human relationships. God has placed it all around us. It is in everything and anything we might experience. We just have to have the courage to turn against our habitual lifestyle and engage in unconventional living."

Just something to think about... a wonderful, clear expression of what's in my heart as I follow this path and am on this journey. Thanks for reading and I'll try to be better about posting!