Adventures in Dumpster Diving

Yoo-haloo, all!

Today was such a fun, interesting day! Woke up at 5:45, helped make breakfast, watered the plants, and then headed into Walsenburg to help the community matriarch, Micki, do a food bank run. Once a week, she goes to the Safeway in town to collect free food that they would otherwise be disposing of (like break, tortillas, eggs, butter, etc.). Then, she brings it all back and distributes it among the needing families in Gardner (the majority of the town). Let me tell you about this woman: she is one of the most amazing, caring, patient, compassionate people I've ever met. And she's got a mouth like a sailor, haha. Micki has done everything: ski patrol, fire woman at the volunteer station in Gardner, EMT, teacher, and foster mother. She has foster cared for so many kids, I can't even remember the number. It's something ridiculous though. She biologically had around 6 kids (all grown now with their own kids) and has adopted a number more. She has the biggest heart ever. It's beautiful... and inspiring.

The most tragic thing happened two weeks ago. One of her adopted sons died in a car wreck on the back roads while sneaking out at 11 pm to go see his girlfriend. Supposedly, it was his his last time he was going to see her, for some reason or another. He flipped his car and flew out of one of the windows and was found about three hours later curled up in an almost fetal position on the side of the road. His car, having fully rolled back upright, was facing a normal direction (north), as if he was just parked. Nobody stopped to see if anything was wrong. Upon hearing this, I immediately broke into tears for Micki. Such a terrible, horrible thing to happen a) to such a young person, and b) to such a wonderful, loving woman. Being the strong woman that she is, Micki is holding up OK. She gets teary. I was over at the house the other day and two of the other foster/adopted kids were arguing over Eric's (the young boy) xbox. The devastation was obvious in the energy and feel of that home. It was so sad. Poor, poor, Micki.

So, to help Micki out in her time of need, Ahni and I met her in Walsenburg this morning to help her load the truck bed with all the food. We went to town early (we were supposed to meet her at Safeway between 10 and 10:30) so we could do some of the shopping we needed to get done. Well, we finished those errands with about 30 minutes to kill so we went to this AWESOME flea market looking shop. It's like a dollar store, but with SO much more. Basically, it has everything you could ever want but never need. And it's so ridiculously cheap. It beats a dollar store! Well, Ahni and I were having so much fun in there... we totally got lost in the time warp, hahaha. We ended up crossing the street to Safeway at 10:30, and Micki was already packed up and getting ready to go. We helped her move around a few heavy boxes, then, Ahni decided to check out the dumpsters.

Let's just say we hit the motherload. This one dumpster was FULL of food that wasn't even bad! Apparently, in order to avoid law suits, grocery stores throw out anything that might be about to expire. There was so much edible, good food in there! There are starving people all over the world, including our very own, wonderful nation, and here we are, THROWING out perfectly good food. Anyways, Ahni hopped on in there. It was the funniest thing I've ever seen. First, she leaned into it, then realized she couldn't reach anything, so she pushed herself in to where she was basically upside-down and her feet were sticking straight out of the bin into the air. Even now as I describe this, I'm laughing. It was so funny. When that didn't work, she just climbed in and I pinpointed stuff from the outside and held the box while she filled it with food. We got a pineapple, some oranges, a ton of blueberries and blackberries, tomatoes, potatoes, a cucumber, and like seven apples. Unfortunately, Micki was still outside talking to the manager as we walked back to our cars with two full boxes of food. Apparently, dumpster diving is illegal and if a cop catches you, you can be fined. As the manager was yelling after us, Ahni kept walking, but I turned around. The manager asked where we were going, and we were like "to throw this all away over here..." (my car was behind another set of dumpsters, mostly hidden from her and Micki's view) As we continued to walk, the manager came up to the car and was like, "you can put that right back in the dumpster." Ahni, being so quick, already got her box (the fuller of the two) into the car. I... had not. Thus, one of our boxes of treasures had to be thrown back away. Such a waste. We could have eaten for days off what was in that box. But, Safeway can just SUCK IT, because we still got away with the full box!!! We ate the potatoes tonight and they were yum, yum good. I'm still getting used to this whole dumpster thing, but it makes total sense and great stories of adventures in dumpster diving!

So, with our heads held high, we departed Walsenburg... but not before stopping at Subway for an early lunch. Mmmm... meat. When we got back to the farm, we finished filling in the raised beds with more manure and mixed in perlite (the little white balls you see in potting soil) to help hold moisture. Then, we finished the western wall and I painted the wood section of it (green, of course). I've got this whole mural planned out for the door... it's going to be awesome. I'm really stoked. We moved all the babies (and the mamas) in today, and they really seem to like their new home. Everything's set up now! It's so exciting!

As you can tell, I'm in much better spirits today. Haven't really had any drooping points, which is nice. Hopefully, my moods will continue to remain constant. I hate days like yesterday. But, the power is in positive thinking, so I'll keep that up (hah!) and we'll see how that goes.

That's all I got for now... Tomorrow we're going to hike to some caves up on Greenhorn, then we have some orders to fill. Busy, busy, busy! The caves should be really cool -- they're apparently where the Comanches held their last stand against the Spanish conquistadors. I'll know more tomorrow and will have pictures to share. Thanks for reading, people! Peace, Love, and Mother Earth!!!!!

The New Regime

Hello all!

We started our new regime today of waking up early and doing all of our work before lunch and then having the afternoon off. The alarm sounded at 5:45 am... and I was pissed. I haven't woken up this early on a daily basis since Safe Harbor in California!!!! So now the day goes a little something like this: 5:45 - wake up; 6-7 do daily chores (I water plants and take care of the babies), and be outside working from 7 until 1 pm when we break for lunch. Although it's a bitch to wake up with the sun, it is nice to be getting all the work done in the early day, before it gets too hot. Today we basically finished our greenhouse. We sifted a ton of manure and dirt and mixed it together for the raised beds, filled them (mostly -- we need more poo), got the majority of the babies inside, set up a watering system and put up part of the far west wall (we hadn't constructed it so we could more easily work on the beds and move the wheelbarrow in and out). It was a long day but it was really cool to see all the people doing all the different tasks. Altogether, we got it done fairly quickly, and all that Bella and I had envisioned going into this greenhouse is finally tangible and there. It's pretty awesome.

It was also pretty awesome getting to work today. Sitting inside all day yesterday sucked, so I finally gave in and called my doctor. She gave me a pill and "viola!" I was good as new today. It was a beautiful, cloudless day and we worked hard. After finishing lunch, we all (all 5 and a big dog) piled into my car and went to the Falls up on Greenhorn. On the way, we picked up Bill and Mike from Atzlan -- which filled my little jeep to 7 people and a dog. It was quite packed and smelly in my car, haha. But we got there!! (after everyone had to get out just short of the falls so I could get over this hill that I was spinning out on... yay no all-wheel drive) The Falls were AWESOME. So beautiful, so amazing. Unlike anything I've seen before. It's just one of those rivers that you see in the mountains and you're like "aah... I love this place." We layed out on the rocks and drank beer and swam (it was freakin' freezing) for like 2 and a half hours. We bouldered on the rocks and explored up and down the little canyon. It was such an amazing way to spend the afternoon after such a hard morning's work. All was well until the end, however, when I, having become a super light weight and can get tipsy off two beers), spilled my beer and the bottle went rolling and crashed into a million pieces... right next to my foot. Don't worry though... only one big chunk got me, haha. Stung like a mother, I'll tell you what, but I got the glass out and soaked my foot in the cold river. It felt niiiiiice.... now it just stings.

So that was my day today. I am pooped. Other things have been going alright I guess... It's day 5 of zero Lexapro... and I'm beginning to feel it. I started crying this morning when Ben teased me about only fixing the electricity because I wanted to charge my computer. (Yes, I fixed the charge controller) I was like "umm... I know I have these faults and I know I can be selfish, but really, right now is not the time to fuck with me. Any other time I can take ball-busting and send it right back. But right now, I'm an emotional basket case." During all this, I started crying. I felt (feel) like such a little baby. When I went into this whole weaning off my psychiatric meds thing, I never thought about how hard it would actually be. I mean, seriously, it's been 9 years straight that I've been medicated. WHO AM I? REALLY?

I think I'm beginning to find out... and I'm beginning to think I don't totally like it. Everyone here (minus Chase, duh) is so patient and compassionate and live in good intention and I... don't. I might have left all material and superficial items in Texas, and dropped the comfortable American lifestyle of convenience... but I'm still programmed that way. Change is hard. And change takes a long time. I know I can be a better person, I'm just so disappointed in myself that I'm not already that person. A lot of this is also probably the lack of Lexapro talking... damn you pharmaceutical companies!! I swear, in a week or two, I'll plateau and be just fine. But these first weeks of withdrawing from a medication are a bitch!

Did you notice that shift there? Haha... I was all mopey and tearful until about the third sentence of that last paragraph, when my sister called and, as always, made everything better. I love you, siiiiiyster!

Nights are the hardest... I may be pooped but my mind is still going! It's that damn tape recorder going over and over and over in my head. Time to turn that sucker off the natural way... :-)

Thanks for reading all and I'll be back with more in the next couple of days!

Oops... I did it again

Hello all! Yes, I know it's be a long time since I've posted anything, so super sorry! I wasn't getting too good of feedback on this thing, and apparently I was offending many a people so I just decided to drop it. When I was home a couple weeks ago though, I did get some complaints about not posting, so here I am to please those few who actually care. ;-)

To catch up, I went home for two weeks... two weeks to long, haha. It was a loooooong time to be back in civilization and society, but seriously, I had two of the best weekends in a long time -- one with my famiy, and one with my oldest friends. Can't beat that! There were obstacles in the path (aka the staph and Teenie's surgery) but overall, it was a great trip. It opened my eyes to how much everyone at home means to me yet how much more I belong out here. Love from a distance, that's what they (the old hippies) say here. So, I'll let you all know that you are in my prayers and blessings in inipi (sweat lodge) on Sundays and I miss and love you all!! Though I am far away, my love for you is not weakened!

You'll have to excuse my emotional state right now... day three on ZERO Lexapro. Still taking the Clonipin (just in case), but I hope to discontinue that as soon as I plateau from no Lexapro. Gotta even out!! I think I'm gonna be ok; remember how hard just going down to half my prescription was???? I thought about stopping the whole weaning off thing, but when I called my psychiatrist to consult with her, she basically made fun of me and my desire to find natural remedies rather than man-made chemicals. Well, biatch, I will turn to my crystals and my herbs and my spirituality and show you WHAT! Thanks for the motivation to stop using you and your pills! ;-)

Been back on the farm for about a week and a half now. Bella went back to New York to do massages (she has to go to the city every once and a while to "balance out" hahahaha...). It's funny because when she gets back from one of her trips, she bitches about how toxic and horrible it is in the city. I do miss her though... quite a bit. So now it's just Ahni (Bella's daughter, awesome chica), me, Nico (the Columbian-American who grew up in Cairo... cool dude), Ben (South Carolinian, son of a preacher man, with maaaaad dreads... also, super cool dude), and then... there's Chase. Chase hails from some bumfuck town in Kansas. He is a a big guy, eats for like four, doesn't help on projects, and sits around all day. L.A.Z.Y. Brings nothing to the table. He smokes a lot of cigarettes too, so when he DOES OCCASIONALLY do some kind of labor, he breathes really hard with his mouth wide open. I mean, shit, I thought I was bad! PHEW, sorry for all that negativity and judgement, but it's been driving me (and everyone else here) insane!! Not only does he eat all the food but he eats all the energy as well! Computers take up a lot of juice and he is on his ALL THE TIME... with it plugged in!! He doesn't seem to grasp the SOLAR ENERGY OFF GRID concept. On a positive note, we've all discussed it and Ahni's going to ask him to leave. From now on, there's a two week trial period for WWOOFers.

So, it's been an interesting week and three days back. I've been to two inipis and learning a lot about the native spiritual traditions. I'm actually hanging out a lot at Atzlan. It's up more on the mountain and I feel much more at peace there. Plus, the community is so great. Thomas and Willow run the Native Cultural Center (I say "run" but you can't really call it that... they live there and Thomas is like the head priest, elder, whatever... he's in charge) I love them so much. There are other people at Atzlan too... Bill, Denny, Mike, and John. Bill and Denny are just two white dudes who adhere to the Native traditions. Denny speaks fluent LaCota and Bill is just learning (he's been practicing for like two years). They are super great guys. John is Denny's blind friend, and he's really sweet. You sometimes have to help him get around, but he's so grateful and expresses it all the time, especially in inipi. Mike is a 19 year old WWOOFER who was supposed to be here at Bella's but she was out of town and he ended up on Atzlan. He's a really cool kid. I wish I saw the world the way he does when I was his age. Immature in a lot of ways... but very wise beyond his years. Gotta give him props for that!

On the farm, we've basically just been working on finishing the greenhouse. While I was gone, they basically planted ALL of the garden... I missed out on a lot. But now that everything's in the ground and getting watered regularly, etc, we can start working on these bigger projects. I persuaded Bella to grow a greenhouse for our "green babies" and by the time I got back, most of the frame was up. We got Bill down here (he's a construction worker kinda guy) and he helped us frame in the two walls left and put in a door and a window. Right now, we're working on mixing the soil for the raised beds. It's a lot of work! We had to dig out a foot deep, 3'x24' trench and then sided it with metal. Lots and lots of digging. Then, we gathered rocks from around the property (there are plenty) and put them at the bottom of the bed. Then we layed down broken glass. These two act as strainers kind of... they allow the water continue to flow and not get stuck in the beds. Under the rocks and glass, we put down chicken wire to keep the gophers from coming up. NOW, we're mixing the soil we dug out originally and mixing that with horse manure and sand. Then, we have sifted manure, mushroom compost, worm castings, and other ingredients to get our lush top soil. Our baby girls are going to be very, very happy! :-)

The greenhouse has taken up a lot of time recently... we really want to get it done so we can put up the tipi and then have time for REALLY big projects and fun stuff, like camping and hiking. Plus, the babies are ready to be in the ground. They're basically screaming for it! Today, I had to come inside... turns out that I have a weakened immune system right now while I'm detoxing and getting used to organic and natural food and I came back with a MUCH better infection than staph... but for your sake, I won't go into it. Let's just say its a women's problem and leave it there. I started taking a daily multivitamin to help boost my immune system, so hopefully it will work. I'm also eating a ton of garlic and drinking colloidal silver in my water everyday. These are all infection fighting natural remedies, and seem to be working pretty well. Right now though, I just need a cream. Cortisone would be GREAT. Good thing the nearest grocery store or pharmacy is 30 minutes away.

Anywhooooo... I went to Walsenburg (the nearest town -- 25 miles away) for the first time the other day to watch Thomas and the rest of the Atzlan gang do a drum circle for a fair they were having. I have some pictures and a video... I'll try to get them up asap so ya'll can catch a little glimpse of the amazing cultures and traditions that have been so heavily stomped on by the United States government. As their t-shirts say, "think the US government is fair? Ask an Apache." There's so much to be learned here... not just from Thomas and everyone at Atzlan, but from all the hippies on the communes and even the local drunks in Gardner. Life, and the people that come in and out if it, never ceases to amaze me. Now I'm gonna end this post, but I'm gonna leave you with a few words of wisdom from Chris McClandless, "Into the Wild" (the book I'm currently reading):

"You are wrong if you think Joy emanates only or principally from human relationships. God has placed it all around us. It is in everything and anything we might experience. We just have to have the courage to turn against our habitual lifestyle and engage in unconventional living."

Just something to think about... a wonderful, clear expression of what's in my heart as I follow this path and am on this journey. Thanks for reading and I'll try to be better about posting!

Far-Out, Man!

Helloooooooooo readers!

Sorry about not updating yesterday, but it was a pretty uneventful day full of bad weather and indoor activities. Lots of fun, lemme tell ya... it was supposed to freeze and snow last night, but it only froze. The temperature has dropped dramatically in the last few days. The weather here is more fickle than in Texas!

Today was pretty good, though. I woke up a little late (8:20), had my breakfast, got dressed, and since the wind wasn't too bad at 10 am this morning, we got to do a little work in the garden. Bella had to leave to do massages, so it was just me and Nico, which was nice. We work well together and have the same task-handling process, so it's almost better when it's just the two of us. We cleared one of the greens patches, which I thought had just been grown wild. I was really thankful that we got to clear that section of the garden though because all of those dead flower stems and weeds were driving me insane! I went to town with the rake. I think so far my favorite garden activity is raking and clearing. The raking calms me and the overall clearing is like cleaning and that just makes me happy, haha. Obsessive compulsive, no? We also fenced in the compost pile with some chicken wire. That was more Nico's project, but I helped when another set of hands was needed.

After we broke for lunch, we got a call from Leon, the crazy hippie up on Libre who we just love, and he wanted help constructing a greenhouse for his friends Bob and Nancy over on one of the other once-was-communes, Red Rock Canyon. Apparently, back in the day, there were like four communes on Greenhorn and in the Huerfano Valley. Greenhorn is an amazing, magical mountain. So, anyways, we went over to this other commune and this house was so far-out. Nancy was one of Red Rock Canyon's founding mothers and Bob did his commune experience with Bella at another one in the valley. Bob is such a mountain man. He has long hair and this grizzly long beard -- which he's apparently had for like thirty years (I saw pictures). REALLY nice people. They have the most amazing outside garden I've seen yet since being in Gardner. They actually have a lined up orchard, and all of their beds are separated and raised with rock walls. It's just so pretty and organized. I can't wait to see it this summer! The house is situated in this perfect little valley on Greenhorn. When you come out of the house, if you look to the left you see the remaining hills and cliffs of Greenhorn and seem enveloped by the mountains; when you look right, you get a view of the entire valley and the canyon serves as a frame of the Sangres de Cristos. They have a chicken coop, and make money off of selling their eggs, etc. Bob said he'd let me come out there and learn how to work with chickens and coops and eggs... I'm super stoked. Handling animals and livestock is a big part of self-sustainability... especially if you're not vegan or vegetarian.

So, we spent the afternoon at Bob's constructing this greenhouse kit. It was soooo funny watching Leon do it by the manual. He was a construction worker and contractor in the past and he's built a few houses out on the communes, but he could not seem to get this manual straight at all. Maybe it was all the joints being passed around while we were building... ;-)

The wind had picked up down at Bella's place, so we thought we'd be safe by going up onto the mountain where the wind wasn't so bad. WRONG. Not only did the wind decide to start blowing through the canyon like a freakin' funnel, but it started to snow about thirty minutes after we got there! We kept on it though and got that freakin' greenhouse roof up... IN THE SNOW. It was pretty cool, except, since we were working with nuts and bolts, we couldn't really wear gloves so our fingers were like frozen from both the icy air and the cold, metal nuts and bolts!

After we got the roof up, we had a nice little dinner of rice and pinto beans and salad. It's really cool hanging out with all the old hippies who've been in this valley for 40 years. It's like they haven't met anyone new or welcomed anyone new in a LONG time. The community is all so nice and welcoming. They're so excited to see young people learning about living off the land, and they have a LOT to teach. Each individual has some different wisdom and craft or way of gardening that they've developed over the years, so you can learn something different from each person. It's really exciting. Plus, going to work for other people also gives me a break from Bella's hectic/crisis-centered energy. Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful for her hospitality and she is a wonderful woman.... just nutty as a loon, haha.

So, now the day is ending, the sun is setting over the Sangres de Cristos and the snow is coming in... again. I am sooooo tired and will probably be in bed within the hour (its 8:00 right now). Wake up with the sun, go to bed with the sun! ;-)

Thanks for reading and I hope you all keep on keepin' on! Everything passes and changes and its a wonder what a little positive energy can do, so put on a smile and be happy to be alive! There's my preach for the day!

Peace.

Windy, Windy!

So today has been the most windy day since I've been here. Apparently, Gardner's pretty notorious for its high winds, but until today, they were completely manageable. Tonight, we have wind gusts from 35-40 mph. It's been like this pretty much all day-- it destroyed the cold frame we built yesterday, and I even got blown off balance on the stairs to the cabin!! It is kind of cool though because the winds are in a direction that's blowing the sand and dust across the mountains from the Sand Dunes, so there's this incredible dust storm that's been approaching us all day. It came on slow, creeping throughout the day, but by dark visibility was at zero. I just went outside and it is so eerie! You can just see the moon through the cloud of dust. Bella's all talking about how this is the weirdest full moon and she's like yelling out for the ETs to land, haha. I swear, if it's not 2012 then its aliens! What a wonderful quack.

Since it's been so shitty outside, we've been inside most of the day. We did some work on our indoor plants and I made a pound and a half of cannabutter to take to dispensaries in Pueblo. It's fun making that stuff on a small scale, but brewing bulk is a BITCH. And unless I get a mixer with a quickness, I could get real tired of this baking thing, haha. I tried a new recipe tonight: dark chocolate muffins. They're made with organic 70% cocoa dark chocolate and all natural ingredients. They could have been baked a little longer (I'm still getting used to the altitude difference), but they're pretty delicious. Can't wait to have one in the morning for breakfast! What a great way to wake up =)

So, we're supposed to have rain tomorrow, freeze and snow tomorrow night, then more snow/rain on... Friday? Is that the day after tomorrow? It's so hard to keep up with here. Don't know what else there is to do inside... maybe work on the tincture/edibles business and try to get organized to get some product moving. Who knows... Bella's so erratic. Nothing else very interesting happened today other than the wind and baking... I picked up Mike from Aztlan, which is always a pretty drive and he's good company. Young, but in ways mature beyond his 19 years... a young mountain man in the making...

An hour later...

Just got off the phone with my family and found out that my parents had to put our family dog, Benny, down tonight. It came as a complete shock. He apparently had cancer all over his body... but he held up real well until the end. He was happy and seemingly healthy -- he was even out at the Double O last weekend! Poor, poor Benny-boy. You will be missed. You were the most loyal and protective and amazing dog we could have ever asked for. I'm so sorry I'm not there to put you in your place next to Boomer and Molly, but I know you're happy in a better world, on a higher plane.

Anyways, my eyes hurt from crying, so I'm going to sign off for the night. Thanks for reading. Peace.

Lights On!

Sorry about the major delay in blog updates! We were completely off-grid for four days... our solar system was down so we had no electricity and no water... It was awesome! Late nights by the fire and candle light... early bedtimes... truly a simple life. I'm not going to lie though, by the time we got to Pueblo on Sunday (we finally bailed), I needed a shower... BAD. So, since it's been 5 or 6 days since my last update, and things have been... interesting... I have a LOT to put down, so I'm just going to go by date. Before I begin on this huge catch-up though, I just want to clarify what changes I'm going through:
1) eliminated junk food and fast food -- only organic food (often times vegetarian)
2) weaning off psychiatric medications
3) hard labor, every day
4) quitting smoking

It doesn't seem like that much when typed out like that... but, believe me, it is. And it's hard. That's why this is the human experiment!

4/21: Bella asked me to pick up a new WWOOFer on my way back down from Boulder, where I went to celebrate the holiday and obtain my MMJL. Possibly the best 4/20 EVER. Anyways, so this guy, Nico, called me and we decided to meet in Denver. So, I picked him up and he's a really cool kid, with an amazing story. He's planning on staying at Earth Family all summer and I'm glad, because I think we're going to get along great. He's really chill and laid back. He studies eastern and homeopathic medicine, so his energy is just amazing. He is so balanced. It helps so much with the hectic, manic environment that Bella can create. So we're driving down I-25 and my car beeps at me. One of my tires is really low. I have to gas up anyways, so I pull over, we take a look at it, and there's a huge nail in the side. LUCKILY, I had Nico with me, otherwise I would have been screwed, but he helped me (didn't do it FOR me) put my spare tire on (for the first time in my life). Thus, big achievement for the summer: I changed a tire (with help). So we continue to drive on to Monument, where there's a Big-O Tires. It turns out that since the nail is in the side of the tire, it can't be repaired. DAMN. Not only that, but they didn't have the tire I needed in stock. The guy was super nice though and called his friend at Discount Tires (their competitor) in Colorado Springs. THEY have my tire. So, we put back on the spare and off me and my fresh new friend, Nico, go . We get to Springs and it takes an hour to put a brand spankin' new tire on. Yep, had to buy a new tire. FINALLY, after like 7 hours, we get to the farm where almost automatically, the phone rings and its Mike (another WWOOFer) from Aztlan (the Native Church on Greenhorn Mtn.) They were having a sweat lodge and invited us to come. This was my second sweat lodge (I went to one the week before). For those of you who don't know, a sweat lodge is a native cleansing ritual in which everyone in the prayer group goes into a pitch-black, heavily covered hut where there is a fire pit. Hot rocks are brought in and the leader chants and leads the group in prayer as he sprinkles water and sage onto the hot rocks. It gets super hot in there and you drip more sweat than in an hour of Bikram yoga. It's very ceremonial, very ritualistic, and extremely spiritual. It's easy to get taken away and lost in the intense spiritual energy within that hut. It truly is a mentally, physically, and spiritually cleansing experience. There are four rounds of chanting, praying and pouring water, but the ceremony isn't over until after the group prayer smoke and feast. It was such a wonderful end to a hell of a day!

4/22: Oh, man, do I have notes for this day! Obviously, I still had hope that the electricity (thus internet) would be up and running. Yeah, was I wrong! I want to give my readers a full list of the characters I've met and now see on almost a daily basis. They're mostly all super cool old hippies, but I don't have the energy to go into descriptions now, so that'll have to wait until another day when I'm not playing catch up. This was an awesome day though. We started out by working at Leon's, one of Bella's friends who lives up on the commune, Libre (like I said, I'll get to all that later); we helped him dig out a potato patch and clear out other plots to be planted. Leon. Is. Awesome. He has spent the last 40 years getting peace stickers and pins made and passing them out and putting them up in random places. So, he lives up at Libre on Greenhorn Mtn. and stays on a beautiful plot of land. There are about 14 older couples still on Libre. They all built their own houses from recycled material... it is so amazing. Leon has the self-sustainability thing down pat. He's got an amazing greenhouse that includes aquaculture and a system that pumps water out of a fish tank to feed the plants. He also has an amazing flower and vegetable garden outside. In the greenhouse, however, things grow year round, which is hard to do in the mountains. For lunch, we just went on a little stroll through it and harvested plants for the most amazing salad I've ever had. Harvest, clean, and eat. Just as we are meant to do. It was so beyond cool. On our way down the mountain, we passed Eagle Ridge/The Butte... kind of the marker saying you've entered Gardner. We decided, although its on someone elses land, that a good hike after a long day of work would be awesome. So, up we went on this loose rock, at least 60 degree slope. It was a HARD climb, but the view of Huerfano Valley from the top was breathtaking. We stayed up there for about an hour, each on our own ledge, meditating and watching the lower over the Sangres de Christo mountains. Absolutely gorgeous. After we got back to the farm, Bella asked us (us = Nico and I) to go fill up bottles with the fresh spring water about 9 miles away. I realize that it may not sound super cool to get drinking water from a fresh spring, but it is. It totally is. Filling up bottles with fresh, cold, clean, natural drinking water? It tastes sweeter than any Vitamin Water you can buy. Overall, another fullfilling, laborous, wonderful day in Gardner, Colorado.

4/23: Woke up to 8 inches of snow. Slow morning... Should probably let you all in on another part of this farm business: the medical marijuana part. Bella, a long time tea and herbal tincture maker, brews cannabis tinctures and sells them to dispensaries around Colorado. In order to make these tinctures, she gets trash bags full of cuttings from plants that have been harvested. We get to go through these bags and sift them to get the best parts. So, that was how we started this cold, snowy morning with no electricity: sifting herb. Thank God for the wonderful wood burning oven/stove! Another part of Bella's business is edibles. That's where I come in. I love to bake... especially from scratch, and I happen to be pretty good at making cannabutter, so I spent the rest of the day attempting to perfect my CannaBanana Bread. It all got messed up though and was a terrible disaster (this time).... but I will say that it was a LETHAL batch of banana bread. CRUMBS are enough to medicate with. The snow melted quickly, almost as fast as it appeared, but at least we got a nice long day inside chillin' and bakin'. It was a nice break from the labor.

4/24: Windy but beautiful day. We fixed one of the coldframes (a structure that keeps plants warm and allows quicker growing). I didn't really help out much with that... I let Guy (the WWOOFer that left later that day) teach Nico how to do it while I layed in the hammock. Later, Nico and I went back and prepared the soil within the frame for planting. We have a nice little salad garden going now: arugula, lettuce, and broccoli raab. This was the day when the electrical ordeal really hit the fan. Ray, who had been working on fixing the system, royally f*cked it up and he and Bella got into it BAD. After three days of little to no electricity, we finally just had to turn EVERYTHING off, including water. There was major tension in the round house, so Nico, Ahni (Bella's daughter), and I went to THE bar in Gardner. It was pretty fun. I got to practice my pool game and enjoy a couple of nice cold brews... it had been a while =) When we got home, Bella was ready to forget about solar energy and just go on the grid or move away in general. She likes crisis like that, haha.

4/25: Ahni decided to take initiative on our solar system, and with the help of her dad and Bella's friend, Norm, she was able to fix it! Because we had already decided to go into Pueblo and stay the night with Norm, we left the batteries to charge up with Direct Current and headed off to Desert Reef Hot Springs outside Florence. We had to take Ahni to Colorado Springs to meet up with a friend before she flew home to San Fransisco for a couple of weeks, so we stopped along the way. At first, I was like, "AWESOME, I need a bath so bad." Then I got there and realized it was a NUDE hot springs! Leave it to Bella... Anyways, at first, I couldn't stop giggling like a stupid little girl (this was before we had even entered the place) then, I got all nervous about getting naked. I decided just to go with underwear. Boobies are boobies, right? Well, after a brief self-pep talk outside by my car, I go into the changing room. I get my shirt and jeans off when Bella steps out of the shower... fully, 100% nude. She smiled and was like "c'mon!" Well, I thought, after she left the room, this IS a summer of new experiences... so off came the underwear. I have only skinny dipped ONCE in my entire life and it was this last summer in Barcelona. It was like 2 am and I was wasted. THIS time, I got consciously naked, in the middle of the day, around a TON of people. It was so invigorating and, in a way, a self-confidence booster. Being naked is nice! But I will say, I have seen my fair share of peens, vajayjays, and saggy boobies for a while.... After a couple hours, we packed up and headed to Whole Foods in Colorado Springs (the meeting point for Ahni). For some reason, I had a complete emotional breakdown. I freaked out on Manbearpig (we'll just use that as a code name for the way-too-complicated-to-even-begin-to-explain man in my life), which I haven't done in a really long time. It really scares me when I get like that, especially now that I'm weaning off my medication. I mean, I started psychiatric meds when I was 15. November of my sophomore year. Now I'm 24... how am I to know who or what I actually am?? So, when I freak out for no reason now, I REALLY freak out. This sent me into a spiral of questioning whether or not I can handle all these radical changes taking place so quickly. I called most everyone in my family and cried and came to the realization that if I do, in fact, need to be on meds, then so be it. I really wanted to prove that they weren't necessary, that things that nature and the earth give us can just as easily fix issues in the head... but the facts are, that's not true for everyone. And that may not be true for me. Which really scares me, because right now, more than anything, I want to be 100% natural and chemical-free. I want to be independent and live in the NOW, the PRESENT, and not in my past. For as stable as I was before I left and have been for the last three years, I am now finding how hard it actually is to deal with my demons after they've been suppressed by medications for so long. It's probably the hardest part about this entire experiment so far. Love doing the labor. Love being outside. Not so much loving where my mind still goes and what is obsesses on when I have absolutely no reason to be unhappy. But, the show must go on, so I'm still taking half of my usual dose. Everything will work out as its supposed to.

4/26: So, since I'm trying to also become financially independent, I (for the moment) have taken a job at a medical marijuana dispensary in Pueblo. It pays for gas and gives me some extra spending money, plus I'm learning a ton from one of the top guys in Colorado. The medical marijuana industry here is booming, and since finding jobs in film festivals or film in general is so difficult if you don't want to go to LA or NYC, I figured this is the next thing I know the most about. I feel like its an opportunity I can't pass up... come September I could be set up with a full time, well-paying job, possibly anywhere in Colorado. Like I said, the guy I work for is THE man. Look out for him in the June issue of High Times. So, I worked a full dispensary day from 10 am- 7 pm. You may think that its just a legal way of selling pot, but patients do come in with severe problems. I helped an elderly man with throat cancer who could hardly speak or hear. I could literally see the pain in his eyes, and I could feel it. It takes patience and compassion to dispense medicine, but if I can help one severely ill person feel better, then I don't care what I give them. It truly is rewarding... and really, really, really freakin' fun. On my way home last night from Pueblo, there were tons of deer and elk on the side of the road. Though I was cruisin' to some jams, I was definitely cautious and aware on highway 69 leading out to Gardner (the middle of nowhere). As I turned a corner about 10 miles from Gardner, I saw a truck with its emergency lights flashing. Automatically, I assumed he had hit a deer or elk, so I pulled over to help out (something I would NEVER do, except, as I say, everyday's a new experience now). As I approached the window, the elderly, toothless Mexican man was on the phone and had stopped because he was about to lose service (as I already had). I walked back to my car, which I left running, only to find out that my car locked me out. 9:00 pm. Middle of nowhere. 30 something degrees. FREAKING OUT. So, I go back to my new toothless friend and tell him my dilemma. "Ayudame, por favor" I plead. So, he pulled up next to me and tried everything he could to get into my car. Finally, we realized that the only option was to break out one of my windows. I picked one of the small ones that didn't roll down, thinking that it would be easier and cheaper to fix, and my new friend stuck the handle of his shovel right through it. I shuddered at the sound, but was happy to be back in my warm car. I drove the next 10 miles both laughing at my stupidity and crying over the damage to my car and the money that I would have to spend to fix it. Now, my little window on my precious Jeep is ghetto-rigged with plastic shopping bags and painter's tape. I finally fit right in to the Gardner scene!

4/27: FINALLY! TODAY! Today.... wow. What did I do today? Haha, I've been thinking so much about the past week, I can't focus on what I did today! Hmm... well, I woke up at 7:30 in a pretty bad mood and immediately put on my work gloves to go clean all the broken glass out of my car and ghetto rig it until I can get it fixed. Then, I had breakfast, and HALLELUJAH! Someone came and fixed the electricity. We're about to build a greenhouse, so Bella had a friend with a tractor come and level the land. Before he got there, though, Nico and I had to do a ton of clearing and moving building materials and other trash that had accumulated in the area. Then, Nico and I set to the task of building another cold frame/hoop house. This time, I did most of the work in putting it together. It took all day, but we've got another great plot that will allow growing and harvesting most of the year! We're thinking of expanding our salad selection into this one as well. It's very exciting to spend hours building something and at the end of the day, see a final product. I feel very achieved =)

So, that's all I've got for right now! Was that enough catch-up? I'll try to be more on top of this, but we'll just have to see how our solar system holds up! Thanks for reading and check back in a few days for more updates and MAYBE even some pictures!

Disclaimer

It has come to my attention that my first post came off as a little
"preachy", and for that, I want to apologize. I am in no way telling any of you what to do, I am simply stating my mind. Also, I am not trying to show any ingratitude towards my previous lifestyle. I am extremely grateful for my family and all they have done for me; I just want to try out a different lifestyle and see if it works better for me. Having said all that, I would like to take this space to set a disclaimer: these posts will be all about me and my journey, and they will be straight from the heart and my crazy mind. I think, I type. This includes bad words, alternative views, ludeness, crudeness, and just overall craziness.

This material may not be suitable for readers under the age of 18.

Playing Catch-Up

So, I said I'd start a blog as soon as I got to the farm... but I got lazy and have been using facebook to update everyone on my experience. Now, however, I find there is just too much to say, so here I am.

First, I want to explain the title of this blog: "The Human Experiment." As many of you know, I packed up and left my privileged, convenient, lazy-American lifestyle in order to take on a more natural approach to the world. Over the last couple of years, and I guess over the entirety of my recovery over the last 9 years, I've seen and experienced many-a-things that most people who grew up in the socialite, Fort Worth bubble never get to see, and in some cases, even deny exist.

The last three years have been the most effective though. As I found stability in my life and mind and had the wonderful opportunity to travel the world, my eyes were opened. We, Americans, and many others in the world, are not living as we were meant to. We were not put on this Earth by whatever greater power, be it God, Buddha, Allah, nature, universal energies, whatever, to drive everywhere in a car, be inside all day, and live these lives of complete convenience. Today in America, it seems that everyone is on prescription drugs, mostly for depression and anxiety and other psychological illnesses. Another fact, the majority of Americans are obese. Have you been to Disney World lately? It's pretty disgusting how many Rascal Scooters are rented out because people are too fat to walk the parks.

I mean, think about it. No wonder Americans are fat and depressed. We stay inside ALL day, sit in front of a computer or at a desk (because making that $$ is the most important thing, right???) and drive everywhere. We don't walk. We don't really work our bodies. We eat like shit -- on the run, fast food, all kinds of processed crap. And because of all these things, we are sad and unsatisfied with ourselves. This is not what we were put on Earth for! Our bodies, the human body, is meant to be worked. We need vitamins. We need the sun. We need to do labor. Going to the gym three days a week just doesn't cut it. Now, I'm not talking about being skinny and looking as hot as any model or anything... because that's just ridiculous and an expectation derived from the media and society. I'm talking about health. Natural, pure, health. In any case, I am... or rather, was, another stupid, lazy, fat American, living my daily life through privilege and convenience.

So, having word-vomited all of these thoughts and beliefs, I'll let you in on "The Human Experiment." I, Samantha Siegel, have left my wonderful, settled life behind to take on an entire new world -- to be a REAL human being, as we were meant to be. I am currently living and working on Earth Family Farm in Gardner, CO. Not only have I made a 180 degree shift in lifestyle, but I am also working to become 100% natural. No more chemicals in my body. That means "good-bye" lexapro and clonazapan (after almost 10 years of being medicated) and "adios" cigarettes. I'm eating only organic food, often times vegetarian meals (REALLY hard considering I'm from Texas) and working outside in a garden for 4-6 hours per day. Before this, I had never done a day of labor in my life. I'm just trying to emphasize what a drastic change this all is...

Now you're caught up and I can tell you all about the farm and Gardner. Earth Family Farm is 35 acres about 5 minutes outside Gardner. Gardner itself takes about 2 minutes to drive through and that's because the speed limit is 30. It's one of those towns you see on a road trip and think "thank God I don't live there." You know what I'm talking about, the ones in which all the houses look like junk yards and there's no gas station. The COOL thing is, in the early 70s and late 60s, Gardner was like a beacon for hippies. There is a fantastic community of old hippies living here. And they help eachother out with everything. You need a truck for manure? Sure, use mine. Need some seeds? Here, I have extra. This is another thing mainstream America is missing: COMMUNITY. Everyone grows their own garden and food, makes their way with some sort of craft or another, and lives. Doesn't SURVIVE in society. LIVES in and of the world. It's all very invigorating.

Bella Cloude is the owner and operator of the farm. She makes her dollars via massaging and holistic healing. She does wild-crafting and makes tinctures. She's the real deal when I talk about hippies. She dropped out of high school to go the the Hait in the grand summer of '68 and was a groupie with Hendrix, Garcia, Dylan, and Janis Joplin. As cool as this all is, she did entirely too many drugs and today is uber scatter-brained. It is near impossible to keep her focused on one single project. When we (we being me and another WWOOFer, Guy) arrived on the farm the garden was just trashed. It was as if she hadn't worked on it since last summer. I know nothing about farming or gardening, but I knew this was wrong and that we had our work cut out for us. Anyways, she's a really nice lady (most of the time... when she doesn't get herself all frazzled up on a million different things she thinks she needs to get done immediately) and does magic with her hands. As a healer, she is really gifted.

The house we live in is called the "Round House." It's an adobe cabin, and guess what, its circular. She and her partner (ex-husband, daughter's father, whatever they call it) built it by hand together during the 70's. It's pretty freakin' cool. Dirty, but cool. I have a nice little hutch room that's about 6'x10'. The house is completely off grid -- we are run on solar and wind energy. That means no sun, no wind = no power. There's no TV (we have a TV but only for DVDs). No washer/dryer. No dishwasher. Lemme tell ya, cleaning is a bitch. Sometimes I think sweeping that place is harder than clearing out the garden. I have blisters to prove it...

I've been on the farm for 13 days so far. When I got to Gardner, I was smoking at least half a pack of cigarettes a day and taking 10 mg of Lexapro and .5 mg of Clonazapan daily. I don't weigh myself, because I don't believe in it, but I will tell you that I am starting out at a size 10-12. Now, I'm 9 days into 5 mg of Lexapro a day (still taking the .5 Clonazapan just in case) and down to 2-3 cigarettes per day. I can already tighten my belt by one hole thingy. I LOVE working out in the garden and being outside. When I get tired and have to rest, I just look up and see the mountains in the distance and I am automatically recharged to keep working. Though weaning off the Lexapro has been hard and my mind has been regressing to its old, obsessive ways, I find it much easier to deal with myself with a little hard work, fresh air, sun, and the beauty of nature.

Already, I feel "The Human Experiment" will be a great success (though there are the hard times and you are liable to read a few entries full of bitching), but I hope that anyone who reads this learns something and thinks about their life and the way they live. Life is our own creation, we have the power to make ourselves happy. We don't need any other outside force except for the Earth. All you need is the will to make the change. Once its happening though, its AMAZING.

Anyways, thanks for reading this and check back for more updates and funny stories from the farm!